There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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