I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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