she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize