i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
