I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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