I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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