i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
