Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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