I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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