it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
