Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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