To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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