How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
