I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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