he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
