I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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