note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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