We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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