I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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