I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Be still, my beating vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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