look no pants
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
