The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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