some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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