He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
