Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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