instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Pooping to opera.
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