The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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