the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
