addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
