I bet he comes in French.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
nutella sex= disaster
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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