dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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