ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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