it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Randomize
