I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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