Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You may now shotgun with the bride
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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