So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
