Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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