dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
sarcasm needs its own font
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
