you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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