the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Your cock deserves a montage
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
