If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Couch. On fire.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize