i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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