i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
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