We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
