this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
