You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
