apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
