He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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