I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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