They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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