apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
