he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
