just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
