happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
