i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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