Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
