i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
