I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
