I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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