She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
