he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
So. Much. Porn.
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