I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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