I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
