Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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