You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
