I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
